Excuse me – yes, you – have you seen this? Have you seen this complete and utter BELTER of a video game cover art? It’s 100% the best cover art I have ever seen, it really gets me pumped for what the game might be like. If I saw this on the shelves in a CEX I would snatch that badboi right away, even though if it was in a CEX it’s going to be about three times the reasonable asking price.
I first saw this while researching for a video about Phoenix games, a publisher of the worst PS1 and PS2 (also Wii) games you will ever come across. There is not a single game Phoenix published that was not irrevocably shit. I can’t even begin to express how bad their games based around the Dingo Pictures cartoons were – it’s not so much not knowing where to start, it’s mostly just not knowing where to end. I have a fear of never being able to escape if I start getting too deep into them.
Crabby Adventure is not one of the Dingo Pictures games, thank god. I don’t think any of us needs to see Dingo attempting to draw a crab and his crabby friends. It is however very clearly a crappy game – a Zuma clone with a story. The story being, some cute crabs try to stop some marbles from getting into their sand den by throwing a magic marble at them. No, I don’t know either.
The mediocre game wouldn’t normally appeal to me, but the cover art makes me so happy. It’s hilarious. Look at that crab, he’s all set up ready to go and hit the town. With his claws. Crab with a purpose. It’s depressing that this piece of absolute art is entirely different from the aesthetic of the game itself – which is a cutesy 2000s mobile game style. I wanted to see the realistic crab with some magic marbles. I would play the hell out of that game.
I have a severe phobia of crabs. Not kidding – I really do. It’s the only thing really that I have an irrational fear of. When I was about five, my mother had a whole crab in the fridge which she had been picking at. I pressed my finger against its dead, cold eye and the eye came off and stuck to me. It was the worst thing ever. I must have cried myself sore, frozen in place at the open fridge door, wanting to flick the eye from my skin but stopped by sheer revulsion. All the while being stared at by the now one-eyed crab.
Which I think is why I find the idea of that crab on that cover art going on an adventure. You’re a horrifying sea insect mate, what kind of adventure are you planning on? Also, stop looking at me.
Crabby Adventure is rare and expensive so I doubt I’ll ever get hold of it. Also the fact that I love it purely for the cover art isn’t really a great excuse to splash out £50+ on one of Pheonix Game’s detritus parties. But I had to share it, because it’s amazing and I can’t stop laughing at it.