The video game that noone asked for.
I did a hefty video about this often dunked-on video game right here.
Coronation Street is a long-running soap opera aired in the UK. It first hit TV screens in 1960. Compared to other British soaps, it’s generally the safer and tamer option, though it’s certainly had its moments.
Over the years there have been more Coronation Street characters than I can be bothered to research, but they’re all normal people with normal problems. No one’s falling into a volcano or anything dramatic.
Not really my thing because I have the attention span of a stoned goldfish, but each to their own. I’m only interested in crappy games, so here we are.
Coronation Street: The Mystery of the Missing Hot Pot Recipe is the only Coronation Street game I could find. There are DVD quiz games but for the sake of my sanity I’m not going to count those ones.
It describes itself as a fun hidden object game.
I hate hidden object games.
Nothing makes me think of death drawing nearer than pointlessly clicking on a screen while ambient music plays in the background.
The cover features Betty, one of Coronation Street’s most iconic characters. And actually, I enjoyed reading up on the character and the lady who played her. Both really made their mark on the small screen, and I think both deserved something a little better than…this.
It’s all kicking off down at the local
The title screen is actually quite nice. The old cast photos are a good touch. Then the game begins and immediately decides that the tragic tale of a missing hot pot recipe requires a framing device involving Betty babysitting a child, who naturally wants to hear the exciting story of lost casserole instructions.
Not Roblox.
Not Skibidi Toilet.
THE CHILDREN YEARN FOR HOT POT.
The dialogue races by so quickly that some text boxes vanish before you’ve read them, while others pause for ages only to reveal the response is a single word. The result is a strange mixture of panic and boredom.
We also get no voice acting. Instead, the game relies on photoshopped still images and huge blocks of text. For something released on CD and tied to one of Britain’s most famous TV programmes, it feels surprisingly cheap.
Then we finally get to the plot.
Betty hears that the rival pub, the Weatherfield Arms, wants her famous hot pot recipe. Sensibly, she tears it up. Less sensibly, she does it outside where the wind blasts all the pieces away. And that means, according to her, The Weatherfield Arms might be able to find them and put them together and steal the recipe.
Honestly, the feud between Betty and the Weatherfield Arms sounds more entertaining than the game itself. I wanted gossip. I wanted drama. I wanted to know what had happened between these people. Instead I’m sent off to hunt for scraps of paper.
Hidden Object Purgatory
Each level consists of clicking on objects hidden around busy scenes until you’ve collected everything on a list. Once you’ve found enough random junk, you uncover another piece of Betty’s recipe.
Some of the scenes are ridiculous.
Rubber ducks. Model ships. Victorian mirrors. It looks like an antiques shop after a rowdy night.
To be fair, the early stages aren’t too bad. It feels a bit like those browser games you’d secretly play in IT class. There’s even the occasional puzzle minigame, including a bargain-bin Pipe Mania clone involving beer barrels. They’re simple but at least they provide a break from the object hunting.
In the cut-scenes…if you can call them that… characters often look massively bigger than the others sharing the screen, which can look quite funny. I’m grasping at straws at this point, and the idea of a giant lady stamping around a newsagent amuses me.
Oh, and that model ship keeps showing up everywhere.
It follows you.
Hunting the Ghosts of Bric-a-Brac
The biggest problem is that the object hunting gets worse the further you progress. The game starts hiding tiny objects.
Then it starts hiding tiny, semi-transparent objects.
Eventually you’re not looking for items anymore. You’re hunting the ghosts of bric-a-brac.
There are only so many hours a person can spend staring at cluttered photographs desperately searching for a bobby pin before eating their own fingers.
There’s a stage where you find tiny triangular pieces of chocolate scattered around the screen. Microscopic chocolate. Invisible chocolate. Chocolate existing in a state between dimensions.
Honestly, that’s one of the worst gaming experiences I’ve ever had.
Just woeful.
Where’s Betty?
Am I being harsh on this game because I’m not a Coronation Street fan?
No.
I can absolutely see fans getting something out of recognising characters, locations and references. There are little nods scattered throughout the backgrounds, and some effort has gone into recreating parts of the show’s world.
But there’s barely any story here.
Coronation Street has decades of history, rivalries, scandals and characters to draw from. Instead of doing anything interesting with them, the game fobs you off.
A rivalry between Betty and the Weatherfield Arms could have been funny. Some actual dramatic back-and-forth between familiar characters could have worked really well. This is a soap opera. It’s literally built on people arguing with each other.
Also, there is not enough Betty.
Most of the cutscenes barely feature her, which is bizarre considering she’s the entire reason the game exists. From the little bits I’ve seen of her character, she’s pretty badass and could have had more screentime.
Final Verdict
But it’s not the worst game ever made. It’s not even close. It’s a game people in my field seem to love dunking on, but it’s functional and while it’s arse-achingly boring it doesn’t deliver anything it doesn’t promise.
I’m going to give this game a 4/10.
