I have zero interest in sports or sports games but I thought it’s about time I take a look at one. And the first thing I thought of was Sega’s series of ‘Great Sports’ games. Released for the master system from the mid to late 80s, this handful of sporty titles were released accross Europe, USA and Japan (although not all of them were seen in each locality).
The only reason I went for Great Golf in this review is because after playing all the games, I decided this one was the best out of all of them. To be honest, none of them are exactly amazing, mind. And I don’t think I’m saying that just because the only sport I’d ever be good at involves the sofa and absolutely no physical exertion of any kind.
The only golf video game I’ve ever properly enjoyed was the golfing mini-game in Wario Land 3 on the Game Boy Color. Now that was a vibe – punching a small cute creature into lava will never not be fun. It uses the standard golf game mechanic of making you press the button at the right time to “pick” the strength of your swing, but it wasn’t until I got older that I realised that bulls**t is just standard for golf games. Let me just PICK the strength, I swear down I will beat you to death in a sand bunker.
I wouldn’t say Great Golf is as fun as the Wario Land 3 mini-game. In Wario Land, the courses are mercifully short and also it all looks cute. Great Golf looks a bit…meh. And it doesn’t have nice sound effects or the possibility of drowning a little guy in lava. It’s not especially rewarding either – all you get are the occasional mangled voice clips of a (child?) quipping some golfing term. Some of the other Great Sports series games have voice clips too, but it’s in this game that I most feel like my ears were the victim of sexual harassment.
But aside from a review about Great Golf, this video ended up being a bit of a rant about Sega’s crappy Sports Pad peripheral. I also ended up going down the rabbit hole of creepy early 1900s photography when I found out some utter mad lad kid in 1920 decided to do a photoshoot with some people dressed up as the bogeyman. My nightmares will never be the same again.
Video below, please enjoy! <3